It seems like every day Birch has at least two or three meltdowns. And I mean MELTdowns. It can happen anytime and for any reason. Yesterday, I wouldn’t let him play with my hair dryer- meltdown. Then he didn’t want to get in his car seat- meltdown (and I had a near meltdown myself at this one). I feel like I am walking on eggshells, trying to avoid any emotional mines. We have a full blown case of the Two Year Old Syndrome. Argghhhh!

What is reassuring is that we aren’t the only ones going through it. Ask anyone with a 1.5 year old to 3 year old, and they are experiencing shades of the same.

Please, tell me, what is going on?!

• When children take a stand that opposes their parents, they experience intense emotions…Dissolving into tears is an appropriate expression of the inner turmoil that is so real for children who are in the midst of this process- Dr. Greene

• you should always remember that your child isn’t trying to be defiant or rebellious on purpose. He is just trying to express his growing independence and doesn’t have the language skills to easily express his needs. -Pediatrics.about.com

So, what can we do? Help!!!!

• Allow him to have his feelings. He will learn (eventually) that he can survive disappointment- a very good life skill.
• During a tantrum, avoid words: 1. He can’t hear them anyway. 2. Often, words are like throwing fuel on the flames. 3. Silence reminds you to stay calm.
• If he does calm down enough to be able to hear your words, avoid scolding. Simply validate his feelings….validating feelings softens the disappointment blow. It is soothing to feel the energy of words such as ‘I can see that you are really angry.’”
• Calm yourself down first. You will respond to your child’s intense emotions more effectively when you are calm.
• Provide safety and damage control.
• Do not try to “fix” a tantrum or coax a child with rewards. Offering to give a child a disputed item teaches him that tantrums are a good tool for getting his way.
• Tantrums are rarely as personal as they seem. Remember that your child is not being malicious or “bad” and lacks the ability to fully control his emotions. If you are at home and your child is safe, you may want to go into the next room or pick up a book to look at. This sends the message that you aren’t angry but neither will you let yourself be manipulated by kicking and screaming.
• Allow emotions to settle. Talk quietly about what happened and reassure your child that while his behavior may have been inappropriate, you love him very much.
• Offer support. Children may need a hug after such a powerful emotional storm.
• Help your child make amends….thrown items can be picked up…adults may offer to help a child…(that) may help her feel a sense of self-control again and give her a very real way to learn about making things right.
• Forgive and forget- and plan ahead. Prevention is often the best way of dealing with children’s emotional outbursts. Tantrums may happen when children have missed naps or meals, are in unfamiliar surroundings, or are coping with stressed-out adults.

-Taken From: Positive Discipline: The First Three Years: From Infant to Toddler–Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child (Positive Discipline Library)

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