How To Answer When Your Child Asks “Why?”
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My friend G and I were rolling our eyes the other day as both of our kids delightedly asked us “why” with every move we made. “Why do we have to go?” “Why do I need shoes?” “Why can’t I stay here?” The “why” period is enough to make even the most patient parent insane. So, why DO kids ask “why” and how can we deal with the “whys?”
Okay, so WHY?
- They are naturally curious. The “whys’ are a chance for you to explain things to them. “Explanatory talk allows children the opportunity to make connections between ideas, events and actions. ” (Beals 2001).“
- Another reason that kids ask so many questions is for communication. Not necessarily to learn the answer to something, but to communicate with an adult.
Here are some ways to deal with the “whys”
- Try to remember that your child is just really curious. She isn’t doing it to test your knowledge (though truly it does!).
- Answer the question if you can- and briefly. And, if you don’t know, you can say ,”I don’t actually know why, we can ask Daddy/Mommy or look it up in a book, computer, the library, etc.”
- The “whys” may simply be a device to keep your attention and keep the conversation going. What the child really might mean is, “Tell me more.”- Penelope Leach. So try to do just that. Tell them more about the subject they are asking about.
- Break up the circular “whys” by saying, “Would you like me to tell you more about…..?”
- If you do answer the question, but she keeps asking, “But WHY?”, then you can say, “Why do YOU think?” And, you may find that they really did listen to you and know the answer themselves. This gives them an opportunity to feel empowered.
I think “why do you think?” is a GREAT question for toddlers- that is what Papa Tree asks all the time- sometimes he gets, “I dunno,” but other times he will get a long-winded and fascinating (to us) story.
I think you are totally right Rebecca- turning questions back onto them helps them think and gives you a break too!:)
great advice karen! i have a feeling i’ll be coming back to this page in a couple of months
haven’t been there yet, so i don’t know if this would work for toddlers, but with older kids its always a nice idea to turn some of the questions back towards them- “what do you think? why does the —–?” I prob wouldn’t do this too often with toddlers, but i guess it could be another strategy to add to what you’ve already suggested here?