Megan Davidson

The End of Breastfeeding: How Weaning Happens

by Megan Davidson

Last month a mom on a local list serve asked for help with weaning her toddler. I wrote a response for her that she told me was really useful for her and I thought I would offer a longer version of that for A Child Grows in Brooklyn readers.

For every family and nursing pair, mother and child, the weaning process is very different and should to be tailored to the personalities and needs of that family but it follows the general themes of working gradually and with love to change the relationship. With my own children, I always stated that I would nurse them “as long as it was working for both of us” and in each case, I began a slow weaning process when it felt like it was no longer working for me.

While there are occasions where weaning before a year might be necessary or desirable for a given family, the weaning information here applies to toddlers, in-line with the advice of professional health organizations around the world. For example, the American Academy of Pediatrics states: “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.” Further, they state: “Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer” (AAP 2005). Similarly, the American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that “Breastfeeding beyond the first year offers considerable benefits to both mother and child, and should continue as long as mutually desired.” The AAFP also notes that “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned” (AAFP 2001). As well, the US Surgeon General and the World Health Organization both recommend nursing up until age two or beyond.

Yet, many mothers following this professional advice or following their child’s lead, find themselves overwhelmed by the nursing habits and desires of a toddler. Many toddlers become more and more insistent about nursing day and night and adopt funny nursing habits and can be frustrating. While child-led weaning is an ideal situation, it is not always practical or possible and in these cases, finding ways to encourage a child to replace nursing with other forms of soothing or nourishment can be really helpful. Breastfeeding is not an all or nothing experience. Rather than abruptly discontinuing nursing, weaning can be a gradual process that begins with picking certain times of the day (or night), certain places, or certain patterns that you need to have stop in order to tolerate breastfeeding. For most, this first step is night weaning because getting a good night of sleep makes mama much happier in the morning and more willing to put up with nursing a toddler!

Night weaning, like all weaning, is a process that works differently for every family but you can begin with some simple techniques such as

• involving a partner in the night time parenting routine
• limiting a toddlers access to nursing by having them in another bed or wearing clothing
• increasing daytime contact and cuddling
• tell them “no” or explain when they will have access to nursing (“later”, “in the morning”, etc.)
• or adding in other comfort measures like a back rub, rocking in a chair, having something to drink, or hugging.

Before you begin night weaning, I highly recommend coming up with a plan that you think will work for you and your child and then sticking with it for a week or more to see if it works. For example, you might begin telling them about night and day and reminding them about sleeping at night. The, before bed, you might remind them that the breasts will be sleeping at night. If they wake up wanting to nurse, remind them that the breasts are sleeping and offer other comfort measures such as water, dancing or rocking with daddy, or a back rub. The first couple of nights might not go that well, there may be some adjusting for everyone to get used to the new nighttime rituals, but for most families it will be significantly improved within a week.

When night weaning alone is not enough to make nursing a toddler mutually work, more actively limiting daytime nursing sessions, especially nursing outside the home, might be the next step.

• For example, you might start nursing them only at home and reminding them that that is the place you nurse. You can use phrases like “Not now” and explain to them when they will be able to nurse next:  “after we get home.”
• Or, perhaps you want to keep the nursing sessions that surround sleeping but drop the others. You might nurse them in the morning after waking up but then try to not nurse again until they are ready for their nap. You might explain to them that you will nurse them again for nap time (or site a place or time like “in bed” or “after lunch”) and then give them lots of cuddling and activities to keep them distracted from nursing. Similarly, later in the day you might explain that you will nurse them after dinner or after a bath as part of getting ready for bed and otherwise encourage other fluids, other forms of physical affection, and lots of distracting fun. You can slowly cut down on nursing sessions this way until you have only 2-3 sessions a day left and then you can apply the same strategies to drop one of these at a time until you nurse your baby for the last time.

Each family has to negotiate their own set of practices around weaning. Some strategies will work better for different children, so it might help to keep trying different ways of taking about weaning with your child. There is no one right way. Park Slope offers a toddler Le Leche League Meeting that might be a terrific resource for parents seeking to renegotiating the breastfeeding relationship. As well, many online forums host great discussions about nursing toddlers and various weaning process, such as Mothering.com and Kellymom.com (both great resources in general). And, if you find yourself needing to wean a baby who is under one year of age, please seek professional advice from a lactation consultant and your child’s pediatrician to ensure a healthy transition for both baby and mother. Good luck!

Megan Davidson, PhD, is a professionally trained labor and postpartum doula who works with new parents through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and the early days of newborn care. She teaches babywearing and cloth diapering classes at several Brooklyn stores, as well as in-home consults, and has a passion for helping new parents master these practical parenting skills. She is also the Director Elect of With Woman Doula Coop. Megan lives in Clinton Hill with her husband, Shawn Onsgard, a local piano teacher and composer, and their two children. Please contact her for any thoughts or questions.

Other articles by Megan:

• Advice for Pregnant Women (and not so pregnant ones)
• New Guide from Home Births to Hospitals
• Favorite Local Resources For Pregnancy
• New and Tested Carriers
• Postpartum Doulas
• Cloth Diaper Service
• Baby Wearing
• Car Seat Expiration
• Baby Wearing: Slings, Baby Bjorn and Carriers
• Labor Doulas
• Babywearing: Slings, Pouches, Carriers and more….
• Beer and Nursing
• A Brooklyn Midwife

Related Posts:

1. Drinking Beer and Nursing: Is it Okay? (February 17th, 2009)
2. Postpartum Doulas (November 20th, 2008)
3. Forum- Pacifier Weaning? (August 13th, 2008)
4. Forum- Weaning and Sippy Cups (August 12th, 2008)
5. And more on weaning….. (January 17th, 2008)