Photographer Kristina Alexanderson

Arguing with your partner over how to parent, money woes and in-laws is pretty standard stuff. But…. it’s exhausting. Who wants to argue over who did the laundry last time or why no one can stand the MIL? Wouldn’t we all rather waltz through these parenting tangles and spend the energy on having time for ourselves?

Tomorrow night, Michael Stiglitz, a New York State Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, will provide a free workshop on “Making Parenting Decisions Not War.”  Most of us aren’t at the level of all-out war, but we could probably use some suggestions on how to problem solve those sticky areas.  And, you won’t be doing it alone: the parenting forum is intended to help you improve communication and to get you on the same page- all in a mediated and nonjudgmental environment.  A night of free therapy might be a great start to hacking away at those high tension areas and help you understand each others parenting decisions better.

Details:
Tuesday, January 31st, 2012, at 7:00 – 8:00 pm
Caribou Baby, 272 Driggs Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11222
To participate please contact by e-mail: info@michaelstiglitz.com or call (646)642-4840.

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Post tags: brooklyn, couples therapist in brooklyn, family therapist, marriage therapist, michael stiglitz, parenting coach, parenting coach brooklyn, williamsburg, workshop at caribou baby

A Child Grows To Do List

Are you a list maker? Some people love ‘em and others hate ‘em. I’m a virgo- which pretty much means I are doomed to make lists my whole life. But, I am glad- whenever I cross something off of my list- I feel soooo “together”- and I sure do need that feeling sometimes! If you aren’t a list maker, maybe the new year is the time for you to try one- and I have some cool ones I have found.

Just to prove how absurd my list-making has become, I have fine-tuned my own over the years. I designed it with 3 headings. “CALL/EMAIL, DO and GO.” If I have 10 minutes to make calls, I  look at my “CALL/EMAIL” list and just plow through them. When I need to run errands, I fold my list up, slide it into my purse and knock off the “GO” items. When something has been done, I X out the box, when I’ve started it I / through it.  The picture above is my list, and here is a downloadable version. It is in PDF format, so you can print it on any printer.

Mommytracked has some pretty fantastic “To Do” lists. They have downloadable organizers from “Eat Sheets” to “Family Organizers”- all free. I love their “Balance Sheet’, with “Work To Dos” and “Home To Dos”.

Let me know if you find one that works for you.

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Just tonight I found myself saying to my 5 year old son (who got out of bed for the 4th time), ” I’m sorry I got so angry, I need to take a deep breath before I react next time.” It seems that I could benefit from a new series of classes for parents based on Buddhist teachings and practices.  The series is structured in a most unusual way: you pay $90 at the beginning of the course, and you get $10 back for each of the 9 classes that you attend. So, if you are one of those people that rarely missed a day of school, this is your golden time!

Free?! What’s the catch? The instructor, Jonathan Kaplan, is developing the curriculum for publication as a book. Occasionally, you will be asked to provide confidential feedback on the course and complete a few surveys as part of your participation, too.

So, how do you get to this path of enlightenment in parenting? You will learn about the 8-Fold Path and explore its application to family life.  Each meeting will consist of a lecture, an experiential exercise or
meditation, and review of practice at home during the previous month.

Not so fast! There are a couple of requirements to be enrolled in the class. You need to  (1) have an interest in Buddhism; and (2) have maintained contemplative practice for at least two years (e.g.,
yoga, meditation, etc.).
Details:
Parenting on the Path: A Systematic Program of Study and Practice for Buddhist Parents and Families
The last Sunday of each month
7 – 9 pm
Bija Kids
900 Fulton Street
Brooklyn, NY.
Near the
Clinton/Washington Station on the C Line.
1-888-343-6031

Class Schedule
January 29: Right View

February 26: Right Intention

March 25: Right Speech

April 29: Right Action

May 27: Right Livelihood

June 24: Right Effort

July 29: Right Concentration

< No Meeting in August >

September 30: Right Mindfulness

October 28: Right View (yes, for a second time)

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Post tags: brooklyn parent, brooklyn parenting class, buddhism and parenting, buddhist class in brooklyn, childbirth class, having a family in brooklyn, jonathan kaplan, parent coach, parenting class

It’s the New Year, which means that everyone is energized about their resolutions from losing weight to streamlining their life.  This week Doodle Deals is offering a way to start the New Year off right with 43% off a 2 hour in-home organizing and decluttering session. It caught my eye because it is being offered by Genius Organizing- the women who helped me make our life and home sane this summer. The Doodle Deal reminded me that I wanted to write about them and how much they helped me.  As specialists in organizing children’s rooms and play areas, Genius Organizing know how to whip those particular spaces into shape, but, I found they were also great in doing just about everything!

Nicole and Julia, the founders of Genius Organizing, are totally fun, easy to be with and nonjudgmental (an essential characteristic for this business!).  I worked with Julia the entire time due to scheduling though I have met Nicole many times since she lives one street from us. I actually looked forward to Julia’s visits: she was interesting to talk to while we sorted, had clear ideas, she worked her butt off (never took a lunch break and instead drank some sort of monster power shake!), dug in and got dirty and took charge. I was happy to defer to her about decisions- it was a relief to give up role of chief decision maker for a few days.

Here were my projects:

• Project 1: The Basement
  Clear out our entire basement which meant 16 years of tax filings, old rugs and furniture, camera equipment and moldy books. This part of the project involved stepping on cockroaches (we both wore hiking boots!), loads of dust, and hauling boxes of books out into the light.
• Result:
  Julia lugged 12 boxes of old tax filings up from the basement, checked them and then called a shredding company. She met the truck with me and we dumped the papers into the high-tech truck while we watched a video monitor for verification that all the documents were shredded.  We boxed valuable art books and I took them to book shops in Brooklyn where I ended up with some serious cash for them. We emptied bins and tubs, deciding which items needed to be discarded, donated or kept. We found cassettes, reams of brochures and my old journals and sorted, sorted, sorted. After days of dust, bugs and dirt, we had a clean and organized basement! To make sure our family kept up with the new system, we labeled areas of the basement so that our family could easily shelf items.

The shredding truck! Julia and the driver inspect the monitor to make sure it all goes down!

• Project 2: The Closets
  Go through all our closets and donate or sell clothing, equipment and shoes.
• Result:
  First we went through my clothing. We sorted the maternity clothing, out of style clothing, can’t-fit-in-it-anymore clothing and put them into piles. My vintage designer duds were taken off by Julia to be photographed for ebay and sold. Additionally, Julia bagged some clothing to take with her for a stoop sale she was doing with friends. She actually sat out on the stoop instead of me and sold my clothes and shoes. On another day, Julia and I pulled the children’s outgrown clothes out from under beds and shelves and organized them in groupings by size and style and then tagged them. I held a sale in our apartment and what didn’t sell, Julia bagged and donated. The sale went well and visitors loved that the clothes were bundled. Julia explained that the bundling eliminated leftover one or two pieces. I thought it was brilliant.  For the leftovers, Julia arranged for a pick up by St. Marys and put the bags out on the stoop.

My office with all the kids' outgrown clothing. Yes, it's a mess.

Here is how Genius Organizing bundled and tagged all the clothing for sale.

What a nice clear way to get clothes organized for donation pick up!

• Project 3: The Camera Equipment
  In my former life I was a serious photographer (though not particularly good) and have loads of equipment from that time period as well great gear from my grandfathers and mother who were also in the biz.
• Result:
  Julia and I went through the equipment with her assistant. Her assistant photographed each piece and then loaded them up to ebay. Julia sent me a check for over $900 for my stuff and I never had to touch it! Lovely!

List of items they sold for me at stoop sale and on ebay. This is ORGANIZED!

Julia was dying to help me go paperless and I would have let her but I was getting addicted to this organizing and I think my husband was beginning to think that Julia was living with us. I think I will go digital next time with her. I loved doing payments online with her and then getting paypal payments and electronic receipts from her as she sold my items on ebay.

So, here’s to a great Doodle Deal! Now is the time to bite the bullet and get started as the deal ends after this weekend. While you’re at- I would suggest buying one as a gift for a good friend. It’s the perfect “welcome baby”, “I love you!” and “you need help!” present. (They work in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Riverdale, and Westchester County).

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Family Sleep Over at Occupy Wall Street with Parents For Occupy Wall St.

Last week, the post that got the most Facebook shares on the blog was on how families could sleep over to support the effort of Occupy Wall Street. What that says to me is that you all are moved by what is going on with the movement, want to educate your kids about it and want to find ways to get involved.

Some of us who wanted to do the sleep over couldn’t- for whatever reasons- so, when an email came through today describing an additional need for parents to help out at Occupy Wall Street- I knew some of you would be interested.

Parents for Occupy Wall Street need help in keeping Liberty Plaza clean and chill in order to maintain the occupancy of it. “If we can keep our houses and kids clean and calm, we can do it at Liberty Plaza.”

This is from the email:
Parents for Occupy Wall Street will not back down from the necessary occupation of Liberty Plaza and will therefore create a volunteer Community Watch Team to step up and address Community Board 1′s requests for a lower noise level and cleaner conditions in and around Liberty Plaza.

What is Parents for Occupy Wall Street?
Parents for Occupy Wall Street is a collective community of parents in support of Occupy Wall Street.

*I asked how families and kids could help together and she asked that you go to their Facebook Page or send an email to parents@everythingindependent.com- she said there are lots of opportunities.

And, one last thing- my FAVORITE comment this week from a reader who did the sleep over:

We attended and had a great experience. Whatever your political beliefs, I think it’s a vital example of free speech and ordinary people making a statement. My son was impressed, and for the first time ever was able to volunteer directly (not raising money for something, or making something to deliver…but actually handing food out to people directly) which made a huge impression. – Moira

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If you have wanted to join in on Occupy Wall Street and haven’t been able to do so because of family obligations or if you want to teach your kids about making our voices heard- you now have the opportunity to do so in a safe and festive event.  Parents for Occupy Wall Street is having a family sleepover in Zuccotti Park from Friday, October 21 to October 22nd. The event will not only be a great teaching moment for kids but a totally community driven peaceful protest with events throughout the weekend.

What a great way for the world to see that parents and children can and should be heard (and not just in restaurants!), but about important matters.  We can show everyone that this peaceful movement affects all U.S. citizens and that includes families. This isn’t just a movement for the radical, super young or unemployed- as it has been popularly described- but a movement for families who have had home foreclosures, seen cuts in their school budgets, loss of health insurance- and most definitely, unemployment.

Activities include a sing-a-long with Dan Zanes, a surprise celebrity guest to read a bedtime story to the kids, arts and crafts, a parents coffee date, unity line, and a pizza party. Volunteers are organizing and running the entire event.

If you can’t do the actual sleepover but want to contribute somehow- they need volunteers and items like flashlights, tape and hot chocolate.

There will be a clearly marked Child Safe Area, with a check-in system and security personal. Only registered participants with children will be allowed in the family area. All children will be required to wear ID badges and a head count will be taken hourly.

“Parents for Occupy Wall St is a nonpartisan platform for all parents, families, and related organizations to come together to be heard about issues facing our children’s futures in support of Occupy Wall St.”

Family Sleep Over at Occupy Wall Street
Friday, Oct. 21, 4 pm. – Saturday, Oct 22, 11 am
Zuccotti Park, New York City
All ages welcome.
To donate, volunteer, or attend, please see their website at: Parents for Occupy Wall Street

Schedule*

4pm Check in begins

5pm Arts & Crafts

6pm Children’s Music Sing-Along – Featuring Dan Zanes

7pm Unity Line

7:30pm Pizza Party – Thanks to Mark’s Pizza 326 VanBrunt St Brooklyn

8pm Bed Time Prep/ 111 Child Meditation

8:45 Bedtime Story -

9pm Family Quiet Time

10pm Parents Coffee Date

*Schedule subject to change according to rain date & Hourly head counts not listed above

Please Make Sure to Bring:

-Warm clothes for the entire family

-Adult Ids

-Enclosure for children to sleep *tents are not permitted at the park but we can create enclosures with some creativity and tarps!* We recommend strollers, carriers, and the like

-Umbrellas

-Snacks if your child has food allergies

-Changes of clothes in case of rain

-Mats & sleeping bags for adults

-Tarps, lots of tarps

-Snacks & Drinks

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NYC Dads Group jammed with Joanie Leeds in the park

Have you ever noticed that dads get short shifted in the parenting section at the bookstore? For every 200 books on “how your life will dramatically change forever” that are written for moms, dads have one or two.  Dads have to learn how to navigate parenthood also and the lone few books aren’t cutting it.  A group of dads has stepped up to bridge the gap and support fathers in their new phase of life.

NYC Dads Group is a community of dads in NYC that arrange playdates and events so that at-home and other dads can socialize on a weekly basis. The group is debuting their brand new New Dad Bootcamp in Brooklyn this fall. This  bootcamp is not about learning pullups, pushups and running: it’s about learning diaper changing, swaddling and burping. It won’t be all physical, there will be discussion too!

Topics will include:
• Developing a bond a with your new baby • Being supportive of your baby’s mom • Navigating work as a new parent • Developing a parenting partnership • Creating a baby-safe environment • Managing relatives

Tribeca Parenting and Boot Camp for New Dads have paired up to do the launch and invited experienced dads to connect with new dads and talk genuinely about the journey of becoming a father.

Details:
The 3-hour workshop is facilitated by a trained member of the NYC Dads Group.

Boot Camps will be held from 10AM to 1PM at the following Tribeca Parenting locations:
October 29, 2011 – Park Slope
November 5, 2011 – Upper East Side
November 12, 2011 – Tribeca
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

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This post is from 2 of our Experts on the blog that form the rational and thoughtful whole of Soho Parenting. To read more of their writing, head to ParenTalk.

Dr. Walter Mischel’s study of impulse control in the 1960′s and 1970′s using a marshmallow and the directive to wait-and-you-will-get-two has turned out to have incredible predictive ability and teaches an important lesson to parents. The ability to delay gratification at age four predicts higher SAT scores, school success, and successes in life such as relationships, employment and healthier weight.

Making children wait, helping to handle not getting what they want and delaying gratification has profound positive effects. So go ahead, just say no!!!!!!!!!!!!

********
Jean Kunhardt, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, has graduate degrees in Early Childhood and Special Education from Bank Street College. In addition to leading parenting groups, she specializes in children’s sleep as well as working with couples and adults using a mind-body approach to psychotherapy. She and her sister, Sandra K. Baslie, are the granddaughters of Dorothy Kunhardt, creator of the beloved children’s book, Pat the Bunny. She is the proud mother of high school and college-aged children.
Lisa Spiegel has a Master’s in degree in developmental psychology from Columbia University and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. From her two decades of work with adults and children, she has developed an approach that draws on an eclectic range of disciplines, including psychotherapy, hypnosis, meditation, yoga, and EMDR. She also specializes in children’s sleep issues, as well as marriage counseling. She enjoys spending time with her high school and college age daughters.

For more than two decades Soho Parenting has offered realistic, insightful and practical guidance to strengthen parents and help create close and communicative families. They are Soho Parenting and blog at ParenTalk

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Post tags: delayed gratification, how to say no to kids, impulse control, jean kunhardt, lisa spiegel, manhattan, marshmallow test, not giving kids what they want, nyc, parent coach, soho parenting

Do you want to know which are the most highly reviewed pediatricians, midwives, dentists, kids’ classes? How about where to meet other parents or even what car service to use? We have the answers!

We’ll start off the night asking what your burning questions are: daycare, nanny, doulas, best hospitals? We will help you uncover and discover the best Brooklyn resources with me- Karen from A Child Grows in Brooklyn and Hannah, co-founder of Bump Brooklyn, the chicest maternity store in Brooklyn!

Come join us for a night of meeting, talking and absorbing!

Every mom and dad in attendance will take home a fabulous gift bag with over $75 worth of goodies!

Also, you can shop that night for a 15% discount at Bump! So, come early and shop or stay late!

RSVP here. Oh, and of course, it’s FREE! We just want to have fun and meet up with each other.

We can’t wait to see you!

xo Karen

Details:
Wednesday, August 10: 7-8:30 pm
at Bump Brooklyn
464 Bergen Street
Brooklyn, NY (Park Slope)

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Getting into preschool in NYC can be complicated process with its lottery system, zoning rules and competition – making it very difficult to get in. If your child doesn’t get into a public preschool program you will have to wait another year – meaning you will need a nanny or babysitter or have them enrolled in a private preschool or a daycare. Any of those options are great but they can also be very expensive! One way to get around this is to band together with some parents in your neighborhood and form a preschool co-op.

When my daughter was 18 months old I was ready to enroll her in some sort of program for a few hours a day. Some parents in my neighborhood were forming a preschool co-op and this seemed like the perfect balance for me as well as an ideal fit for her to have regular interaction with other kids in a semi-structured forum. After almost three years with the same group, this pre-school co-op has become a valuable source of socialization, learning and community that has exceeded my expectations. Here are some tips for how you can form your own co-op.

1. Connect with the right people. Obviously you will want to form a group with people that share your values as well as people that you get along – for both you and your family. You also want to form a group with people whose children are the same age (or around the same age) as your child. You will also want to form a group with families that live nearby since you will likely be having the co-op at various locations and many people won’t want to travel that far. If you are short on enrollees, ask the other parents’ to search among their groups of friends. You don’t want your group to be too big – six is a good amount of kids (five children if they are under two) – for legal reasons (more on that below) and also so that the teacher can give all the kids enough attention and focus. If you are having difficulty finding other families to join consider posting an ad on your neighborhood’s listserv.
2. Have a discussion. After your group forms, have a discussion about everything from food allergies to establishing a policy for sick kids to your groups stance on time-out’s, etc. Make a list of any issues as well as some basic school guidelines, including where the school will be held, how much you will be paying a teacher and a schedule of when the parents will work at the school. You should also figure out who will be responsible for collecting money and buying supplies such as diapers, art supplies, books, etc. In our group, we have a treasurer/secretary who breaks down the payment cycle into 7 weeks and emails us when payment is due. She also pays the teacher on behalf of the group and sets up a Google Calendar so that all the parents can see which family member is working with the teacher on a given day.
3. Find a teacher. After you figure out the structure of the school you will need to locate a teacher. This will be your group’s biggest expense so you want to make sure that you find one that is experienced, professional and one that understands this unique school setting. We found our amazing teacher from a neighborhood recommendation. Other places to find a good teacher are listserv’s and/or Craigslist, a university career center like at Brooklyn College or the Teacher’s College at Columbia. Know what your group wants – whether that is a licensed teacher or an experienced childcare provider. Interview several teachers and involve as many parents in the group as possible during this process. Make sure that your teacher understands the idea of this unique structure such as that a parent will be always be in the class as a helper and that the co-op will rotate at different homes (unless you have other arrangements.) You should also ask your potential teacher about whether they need any time off such as for vacation. This is also a good time to figure out sick days and whether you will pay them for holidays, etc. Meet with your top two candidates again and arrange a playdate where your candidates, kids and parents can interact. This is a great way to see how your potential teacher acts with your kids and vice versa. After the playdate, make your decision with the other parents.
4. Set up a class structure. Once you hired your teacher, decide where the co-op will be held and establish a time line for your school. In general, three hours for about two-three days a week is ideal. We have a structure from 9:00 to noon that started out with two days a week and later went on to three days when the kids got older.
5. Know the laws. The New York State law requires that you have to register with the Department of Health if you have more than two children (that are not related) in a home for more than three hours a day. The best bet for your co-op is to stick with six kids (five for schools with kids under two years old) at three hours a day. This is actually is an ideal amount of time for younger kids as they adapt to this new structure. If you want to add on more time or more kids, be sure to register.
6. Adjust the structure. During the year you may have to adjust your structure in case families leave the group or you need money for more supplies or trips. Having this time of school structure makes it easy to be flexible as long as all the parents involved are on board.

Other things to consider:

• Drop-off may be tricky in the beginning – especially for children where this is the first time they are separated from their parents. Don’t just leave in the beginning, but rather, have a gradual drop-off where you stay for 30 minutes, then 15 minutes until they are  finally ready for a quicker goodbye.
• Make a list with everyone’s address and phone numbers.
• Make a snack schedule based on what parent is working the school.
• Bring an extra pair of clothes with your child.
• Make a list of all supplies needed – and assign someone to pick them up (or order the items online).
• Make a payment schedule – including money for petty cash.
• Ask your teacher to send you a monthly schedule of what they will be doing.
• If you don’t want to have your school rotate at different families homes, consider renting a space like a church for a few hours a week. This can also be factored into your payment structure.



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Post tags: brooklyn schools, pre-school co-op, preschool, preschool co-op in Brooklyn