When I found out that I was pregnant with baby number two, I was immediately excited…. but then some fears crept into my head. How was I going to do it, really? Work, active toddler, school? The thought of two seemed daunting: double strollers, a carrier and a stroller, diapers and potty trips, more cooking and cleaning, no sleep and on and on. Of course it will all work out in the end (right?!) but I imagined that once baby number 2 was born our entire family structure would change – and boy has it ever!
Now that Emma (baby number 2) is here, the challenges and the testing of my will and patience has started to settle in – along with the unavoidable sleep deprivation. One of the first things I noticed was how hard it has been to focus on my toddler (Maya) the way I used to. In the morning, we used to leisurely read or play a game and then pick out something to wear for school. Now, I find myself nursing or holding the baby until she falls asleep while my husband gets Maya ready for the morning. Maya is actually fine – she goes to a preschool co-op and is constantly engaged and truly happy about her sister but I am the one that feels guilty and wishes that I could grow another pair of arms to be active for both of them. At the same time, I notice how short I have been with Maya who doesn’t understand that she can’t constantly touch a baby’s head or tickle her when she is sleeping! All out of love – but it can be extremely frustrating telling her this while the baby is fussy or crying.
Some things are little easier like my time with Emma. Despite constant feedings, diaper changes and occasional fussiness, this time around seems much more relaxed. There is less worry. I feel like I am actually living in the moment and less stressed about life with a new baby.
Even though it has only been two weeks I can see how challenging – both mentally and emotionally – it is going to be as we adapt to a new routine. Specifically, as I figure out how to get out of the door, make dinner and get through bedtime with two!
Before Emma was born, I tried to “prep” myself for this time and attended an incredible luncheon held by Baby Bites called “Two in Tow.” Hosted by Rachel Cedar, creator of You Plus 2 Parenting, an organization that teaches parents about time management and life strategies with two (or more) kids, the event specifically discussed special tips for managing life with two kids in NYC- such as riding public transportation, eating in restaurants, and safety tips with two in the city’s playgrounds. The event also included some valuable tips on how to make life less crazy, more organized and better managed. As I attempt to take things day-by-day, I have also been learning how to incorporate some of Cedar’s tips to make life easier with two kids. Here is what has worked so far.
1. The morning. The goal for the morning is structure. Prep for your a.m. the day before by checking the weather, picking out clothes, making lunches and prepping two separate bags – one for the baby and the other for the toddler (unless, of course, they will both be with you or a babysitter). In the morning, make sure your toddler does her bedroom chores – makes bed, cleans up, etc and try to avoid TV or other distractions like checking your email or phone. Cedar also suggested that parents use a timer such as The Time Timer, which allows a toddler to understand what 5 minutes is for when the bath is over, etc.
2. Subway tips. When riding the subway or bus, set rules for your toddler such as holding hands or sitting while you wait for the train. Cedar also recommends researching subway stations that have elevators before you travel.
3. Playground tips. Cedar suggests checking out smaller playgrounds so you can keep track of your active toddler. She recommended that toddlers should wear bright colors and that they should learn their phone number and what your first name is (as opposed to Mommy or Daddy). Cedar also recommends placing safety ID tags in a child’s shoe.
4. Eating-out tips. Make sure to have snacks and consider ordering earlier for the kids. Also, and this is an important one: don’t panic if they cry, have a fit, etc. It is important to teach your kids that eating out is a part of your life and if you continually leave they will never learn how to act in a restaurant. Cedar recommends leaving with the child for a few moments and also bringing distractions like old flashlights, cameras, measuring tape and also using what the restaurant has like their sugar packets, etc.
General tips for toddlers with a new sibling:
- Keep them active and engaged.
- Stick with their routine.
- Let things go – aka pick your battles!
- For sleep – get baby down first. Makes it easier to get toddler down.
- Consider getting a stroller kick board for local trips.
- Try to have quality time with your toddler.
- Consider a small present for your toddler when the baby is born.
- Tell friends/family members to engage toddler (and not just focus on the baby) when the baby comes home.