My husband and I don’t talk anymore. Let me rephrase that. My husband and I talk plenty about pick ups and drop offs, weekly work schedules, grocery shopping and dinners, bills, who’s parents to visit next month…but we don’t really TALK anymore about the important things. The things we used to talk about before kids…ideas, dreams, wishes. It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just a matter of when we can ever get a chance to. My almost four year old daughter will interrupt us every 2 minutes. And most times, it is a cute “excuse me” interruption followed but a story that doesn’t have an end, but regardless, trying to remember what we were talking about after 15 minutes on what her dream was last night, it is hard to get back to the first subject. And after bedtime, well, I’m done, he’s done. We are lucky if we each get a little work done and watch a show or read before bed!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the connection and love my husband and I formed together is the foundation of our family (not our home or jobs or even the kids). And as more time goes by, the further away we start to feel from each other. So, here are a couple of suggestions on how to make room for your partner again and get some time to really TALK:
1. Go away for a night – We don’t have family here so this is hard to plan and expensive. But, a lot of our friends don’t have family around either so we have started swapping nights with another family. My friend’s partner spends the nights with my kids so everyone isn’t in one house but there are evening and morning play dates to make it easier on the hosting family. And we reciprocate when they want to go away. And, if you can swing it, fly a family member in town and go away for a few nights!
2. Have a date – This is an old but necessary need for all parents. I’ve found it is best if you can meet out before one or both of you even comes home from work. That way, you are not inundated with the pre-babysitter, pre-bedtime routines.
3. Avoid each other’s pet peeves – My husband is pretty easy going but he has certain pet peeves just like I do and I imagine just like most of you. Even if those pet peeves are the only thing I accomplish from my long list of to-do’s, I find it will lead to less conflict because the other things on the list are less important to the partner.
4. Have sex! Find a way to fit this in somehow!
- From a former contributor
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