So I’ve been working from home for a little less than a year now. I absolutely love what I do and the business I work for. I consider myself fortunate as I wasn’t necessarily ‘in the market’ for a job when I got one. It just happened, and I’m so glad it did. Like many stay-at-home moms, I went from working multiple jobs throughout high school, college, and post-Masters to having kids and staying at home. I’d built this huge gap on my resume which, in the business world, is still considered a time ‘doing nothing’. I was interested in getting back into the work force but wasn’t interested in working full-time at an office-type job, since I didn’t anticipate many opportunities in my field paying the bills for full-time child care for 2 in NYC. Luckily, I never had to try to find one that would.
Today, I am happily employed and work a few days a week from the comforts of my home. Perks of working from home range from the ability to take business calls in pajamas (although most of the time I don’t) to seeing the kids throughout the day as they come and go with the sitter. Even though I am working, I still get to be around the tots, have no commute to work, and am instantly home when I’m ‘done’ for the day. It’s awesome.
As with most things in life though, it’s not all puppies and rainbows. Working from home undoubtedly comes with distractions that working in an office avoids. For example, when I descend down the stairs to my kitchen to get to my “office” each morning, I am faced with all my domestic chores staring me down- the dirty dishes, dust bunnies rolling in the breeze created by my obese cat quickly waddling over to check his food dish, soiled toddler clothes strewn all over the living room, toys and books in small piles like little volcanos waiting to erupt. Before I started working from home, I never had to wipe a co-workers butt while on a call. I never had to diffuse an argument while typing a one-armed email. Before working from home, even if rushed between appointments, I always ate my lunch in silence and I always had the privilege of eating it ALL! I never had to scoop cat litter at the office because I could taste the smell of fecal matter. I never had to conduct a business call while my children scream their ABCs in the background. Before working from home, I never tried to vacuum my office in between business calls or cook my lunch in the 30 minute break-time I had. I did fall down the stairs at an old job once (yelping “Whoop, Whoop, Whoop!” on my way down. True story. My boot heel broke. Not my best day), but at least I never had to catch myself or my coworkers from cracking their head on a coffee table!
The other day, a stray cat decided to mark an empty case of beer bottles on our balcony emitting an oder so strong, it permeated my office entirely. Because of my pregnancy and horridly strong gag-reflex, hubby was forced to tackle the situation on the spot. We were both equally impressed with the strength of the odor. To add to the rare anomalies (like a stray cat pissing on our empties), there are always the reliable and consistent possibilities like toddler tantrums right outside the “office” door. Hey, in the middle of a strained business call, who doesn’t need a good scream? And who doesn’t love parties with confetti? Mom’s business cards will do the trick! They’re slim, light, and VERY colorful so UP THEY GO! If you think you have a messy office, look around and tell me how pretty you think it would be after a 2 and a 4 year old pay it a visit. Those massive piles of paper and files weren’t so bad before they were shredded on your floor now, were they?
I find myself cramming as much as possible in to my work days. In spite of my best efforts, most people reaching out to me happen to flock to me on the days of the week I am not working. That means on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am often the most popular person in the world. It is not abnormal for my email inboxes to have an accumulated total of around 300 unread emails a day. Spam aside, it probably boils down to about 70 actual emails I’d want to read. On the same note, there’s always the possibility someone calls me with a business-related matter on my off-days and I answer because if I can, I’d love to knock one thing off my to-do list for when I return to the office (5 steps to the left) the next morning. The problem with answering when the kids are around…is the kids are around. Suddenly, I am the President of the United States and the nation is in crisis. All hell breaks out when I pick up that phone and utter the word “hello?”
The cake topper recently came when I was on a very urgent business call with time sensitive information. My son had just gone to the bathroom. Escalating in volume I hear him. “MOMMY, I WENT POOOOOOOPPPPPPYYYY!” While crushing my iPhone between my ear and shoulder and trying not to hang up, I silently motion for him to be quiet as I run over, wipe him and guide him off his throne (8 months pregnant mind you). I quickly try to make my way far from my children to get my concentration back. I hear my daughter start whining. She knows I’m on the phone. President, remember? Nation in crisis. I look up and my obese cat is convulsing on the rug and vomits everywhere. I turn my attention to my daughter who has completely taken all her clothes off (with exception to her brand new undies) and covered her body in magic marker. She slowly looks up, smiles, and bears down for what I know to only mean the sign of a good thick poo working its way out. In her undies.
I can’t do what I normally do, which is shrilly scream “POOPY IN THE POTTY!!!” Because I am in the middle of a business call. Slowly trying to reel myself back to reality I hear….. “so we do have that date available?”. All I can think to answer back with is “that’s excellent. Thank you so much for your time, we’ll be in touch.”
I quickly hang up the phone and think to myself ‘imagine how boring working in an office would be’!