Chances are, if you have children, whether they’re boys or girls, you have had that “is she doing what I think she’s doing??” moment at least a few times in your kids’ lives. Shannon Criniti, PhD (aka Sex Positive Mama), gives us the low down on toddler masturbation.
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I have received several questions lately from parents of babies and toddlers, wondering if it is normal that their child touches their genitals a lot.
A mom to an 8-month-old said her son holds on to his penis every time he is naked. The parent of a 19-month-old said her son sticks his hands down his diaper every chance he gets. The parents of a 3-yr-old said their daughter’s grandmother worried that her frequent touching of her own genitals might be a sign of sexual abuse.
These are common concerns that I’d like to put to rest. It is totally normal for young children – even babies – to touch/hold/pull/tickle/rub their own genitals. It’s partly discovery of a new body part that is easily reachable. Access to this body part is usually restricted due to diapers and clothing, so some kids get very excited to seize the opportunity to touch their genitals during diaper changes or bathtime. Touching their genitals can be soothing and bring pleasure, in the same way that rubbing a lovey or sucking a thumb can be soothing or bring pleasure.
There are several suggestions for what – if anything – to do when your child is touching his/her genitals.
Ignore it. Babies are too young to understand restrictions, so just let them be. If your toddler is playing with her genitals during naptime or bathtime, leave her alone. As your child grows, you can begin to teach him or her that touching their genitals should be done in private.
Distract. If your young child is touching himself in public or during mealtime, offer a distraction – a toy, some food, or just pointing out the window or clapping hands to sing a song together.
Redirect them to their room. Once your child is 3-5, you should be able to ask them to go to their room if they want to touch their genitals.
Whatever you do, don’t try to shame them or punish them. If they tell you that it feels good, be affirming and positive. Masturbation is the most common sexual activity throughout the lifespan, and something that no one should be ashamed of.
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Shannon Criniti, aka Sex Positive Mama, is a Philadelphia-based sex educator and mama of two girls. Her blog provides sex-positive information to help parents talk about sex and relationships with their kids. It also chronicles conversations and experiences trying to raise her children to be sex-positive human beings by providing them with honest, shame-free, age-appropriate education and plenty of opportunities to talk about anything and everything.
Professionally, Shannon is a sexual health educator and consultant with a PhD in human sexuality education and a master’s degree in public health. She specializes in teaching clinicians about patient sexual health issues and helping parents talk to their kids about all things sex. Shannon is available for trainings, presentations, speaking engagements, and policy and curriculum reviews. Contact her at sexpositivemama@gmail.com for more information.