It’s early morning on Mother’s Day and I’m alone in my house. Blissfully alone. My Mother’s Day gift from my husband was that he would take the kids for a sleepover at my mother-in-law’s house while I binge watched Better Call Saul and ordered Indian takeout. I got through exactly 2/3 of an episode last night before I fell asleep on the couch at 9pm. And it was amazing.
Today, I’ll go for a run with the dog, then head to my spa appointment later this morning, followed by brunch alone with a book, preferably cozied up to the bar with my back to the Mother’s Day revelers, enjoying a Bloody Mary. I will not coax or cajole either of my daughters into eating their eggs. I will not follow my three year old into the bathroom and try to be patient while she plays with the soap dispenser, then sits on the potty, then decides she doesn’t have to go after all. I will not reluctantly give in to my kindergartener when she repeatedly asks to play a game on my phone “just until the food comes.”
Alone at the bar, I will nurse my drink while reading a book and enjoy the fact that I can still sink into the muscle memory of my single days when countless Sunday mornings were spent sitting solo just like this with a Bloody Mary and a book or the New York Times crossword… God, when was the last time I did a crossword?!?! Or read a newspaper? These days my news comes from brief clicks on Facebook post links and half listening to NPR in the morning while I make school lunches, all the while coaxing and cajoling my kids into eating their breakfast and begging them to brush their teeth.
After brunch, I may meander home on foot, enjoying the relative ease of movement (no coaxing; no cajoling) without the girls. Then, when I get home, I’ll catch up on podcasts of This American Life while I mentally plan dinners for the week and scour the fridge to make tomorrow’s school lunches. I’ll start a load of laundry from the pile I’ve been ignoring for half a week. By this time, I’ll be checking the clock, wondering why my family isn’t home yet. The novelty of this solo day will have worn off and I’ll be craving the mild chaos and camaraderie that is life with my husband and these challenging little girls.
Because, while I’ve spent this entire day wondering what it would be like to go back in time to when things were simpler, I don’t want to go back. Truth be told, this life suits me just fine. Motherhood’s pretty cool, and although I wasn’t born with the conviction that I should become a parent, it’s something I ended up happily catapulting myself into, hook, line and sinker. Today will simply remind me of how happy I am to have been given the opportunity to choose this path.
I don’t appreciate it everyday, and that’s ok. It’s why I need today to pause time, maybe even go back a few years, to understand that fact and remember to embrace the chaos of motherhood. I will absolutely not enjoy every minute, but I’ll try to enjoy the ones that count.
Mollie Michel is a South Philly resident and a Philadelphia public school parent. A recovering non-profit professional, Mollie is also an experienced birth doula, Certified Lactation Counselor, and the mom of two awesome girls and a sweet pit bull named Princess Cleopatra. In her spare time, she is usually trying to figure out how Pinterest works, training for a(nother) half-marathon with her dog at her side, or simply trying to keep up with her increasingly wily daughters.