As far as electronic devices of all sorts, I have to say that I’m not a fan of my two small children playing with them. I don’t think there’s anything to be gained from spending a huge amount of time during precious early childhood years (never to be had again) whose psychological building blocks are so imperative, staring at a screen. This is not to say that I am against watching any TV or learning anything from online. My daughter’s, “Oh, she’s sooo smart,” public personae was based on Curious George for a good year it seemed, recently. Yes, I did sort of worry about the fact that most of her impressive vocabulary and ideas about life stemmed from a show, there is a sense of guilt there, for me. What also blew my mind is what a profound impression those episodes made on her, from age two to three years old. We shouldn’t take apps and shows for granted, or think they’re no biggie in the grand scheme of things. But what are we (single, especially) parents supposed to do when there’s a pile of dirty dishes that need to be done, a dinner that needs to be made, an important work email to write, or a floor to be cleaned?
Sometimes electronic devices work so well for us, and can avoid meltdowns, accidents, or stress. Picking up lessons and being mildly entertained for short spurts is not really what I mean (although I would be very impressed with myself if I made a zero electronic device or television policy, I really would). I am referring mostly to those kids who are living in a way that is mostly disconnected from their own formation in real-time, from their family’s everyday nuances and needs, from their own imagination without influence from an app or show tugging it into definite directions, or even disconnected from friends who may happen to be in the same room. This state-of-being will, surely, not bode well for coping with life later. And, apparently, most kids are spending a lot more than “short spurts” in front of screens.
There’s something as a human race (as depicted in “The Stepford Wives” for example) that is really scary when people check out of their communities, friendships, and immediate families, and such zombie-like existence is cause for concern for humanity as a whole. Or, what about the strange fact that lots of children’s friendships now have electronic games as their glue? When they’re grandparents, talking too much to their visitors as grandparents often do, will they tell stories about apps they played while sitting next to each other, making no eye contact? I don’t know about you, but I love stories of interesting adventures that really happen. Anyway, back to childhood, don’t you (worst case scenario) have your adult life to have to sit at a screen all day, or be glued to your phone, if you’re hell-bent on doing so? I don’t have anything against most networking and social media (hello, here I am cyber-talking to all of you) or games, but there’s a time and a place. I know that, even among my best friends, all parents do not agree with me. The topic is huge right now, as most kids are obsessed with apps, games, and social media from the minute they catch on, or hear about it from a friend at school. I dread the day when my adorable bouncing baby son, for whom the world is now purely based in discovery and reverie, will want to start up with Minecraft, or whatever it will be in a few years. The boys I’ve hung out around who play Minecraft are completely out of touch with what’s occuring within two feet of them- and no, it’s not cute or sweet. Sorry. I actually find it rude and tragic. Some of the lessons you learn in early childhood (that could potentially make you a better video game player, athlete, story listener, photographer, or storyteller later in life) come from actually paying attention to reality, to running and skipping, singing, jumping, exploring, discussing, being shy, and playing. Our eyes and brains are connected to… a body. Yes, I know that it’s easy to let your child play a game on your phone (especially at an adult party when you just want to have a fun chat with someone cool, or at a restaurant- I am guilty- or when you need to make dinner, or feel too stressed out to tell stories or play games yourself), but what about having them learn how to play, or draw, or socialize more, or read, or sit tight with their boredom and just deal, or… I don’t know. But I do think there’s something to be said for learning how to cope with the situations you are living in, and that you find your body in.
I decided to look stuff up about these feelings I have. As it turns out, there is an incredible website called Common Sense Media, that delves into every nook and cranny of this discussion. We need to expose our children to computers, tablets, and phones at some stage, unless you plan to become Amish or move to the Amazon. What’s great about the website I am recommending, Common Sense, is that it also explores such topics as the safety of posting pictures of your children online, whether young children really can connect with one another over the internet, what the basic rules are for joining social media for elementary school-age kids, how much “scary stuff” can your child handle on screen, etc. Cyberbullying, haters and trolls are also studied, while the three kinds of apps that stir up drama in schools are revealed. A great list of educational games and apps for all ages can be found here. Check out their parenting blog too! I swear, this is an amazing resource- let’s all use it.
~Rebecca Conroy
Rebecca Conroy is an artist, stylist, and Editor of A Child Grows in Brooklyn. She is from New York City, and has an MFA from Columbia University in screenwriting. Rebecca often finds herself on film and photography sets making things run or look better, and is the mom of two outrageously wonderful kids.