Life moves quickly. It seems to get even faster as you get older. What once were long summer days of rolling in the grass have somehow become endless “to do “ lists. Once upon a time I had a baby, and then I turned around and he was 9 years old and wouldn’t kiss me on the lips anymore. Every day has become a race to keep up with work stuff, school stuff, camp, Christmas shopping, therapy, date night, drinks with your friends, getting dressed, homework, getting un-dressed etc… When you have all of this and tons more occurring on a daily basis, it is super easy to let some things fall by the wayside. For parent’s, especially new or single parents, very often the easiest thing to let go of is doing anything healthy for yourself. This is where I come in. My job is to remind you to slow down, to hint to you how to self nourish, to show you how to embody, and some easy ways to incorporate health and wellbeing into your busy mom lifestyle.
You may wonder about my credentials. There were a few years where I had a toddler, ran my own business, while getting divorced, living off of food stamps, and working as a freelance stylist to pay the rent. There were also a few years where I had a full time job, went to school on line full time, while single parenting in New York City without child support. During most of these years I also battled Candida, Hypo-thyroid disorder, and a parasite among other things. And in the end, terrible body image and disordered eating. That is what made me learn Reiki and Mind Body Nutrition as well as Dynamic Eating Psychology. If there is one thing I know about, it is the joys and stresses of living a healthy lifestyle while parenting, working, and dodging life’s curve balls.
Here are some healthy tips I have learned:
MIND BODY PRACTICES
Gratitude: If life had not thrown these curve balls, I never would have learned how to play catch. I let myself bitch and moan about something or complain about it to a friend for a bit and then it’s on to gratitude. How can I turn this around? How can I realize my good fortune from this journey? How can I acknowledge this treasure hunt I am on in life and all of the waves and storms and sunny beaches that have taught me how to swim play and where to look for the big X, the buried treasure. Keep a gratitude journal: Whenever you remember to write in it, do it. Write about the sunset, or your kid’s smile, or the $100 bill you found in your pants pocket. The parking space that popped up five minutes before you had to be at work… The time you missed the train and cursed, but then ran into your boyfriend on the next train and got to kiss him before work. Every negative has a positive. Every thing bad has a good side. When my father died there was no way I could even stand to see the other side of that coin. What could I have gained from this massive loss? Yet, as I look back now I can see how I never would have become the woman I am today if that tragedy hadn’t befallen our family. That woke me up to living a real life in which death existed. Before that I had been asleep. By doing this gratitude journal you will train your brain to look for the bright side and before you know it you will reside on the bright side. That doesn’t mean that you have to be happy go lucky every second of your days. You will however feel much brighter and be able to turn the frown upside down more regularly. You will also see a shift in yourself towards bringing in more of what makes you feel good, and will bring more goodness into your life. This is an amazing exercise to make your kids do also. Deepak Chopra is really into this, and Oprah is really into Deepak, and if Oprah says it’s good, then it’s good.
Stop Being So Hard on Yourself : Look at what you DID do, not what you haven’t gotten done yet. As busy parents who want EVERYTHING for our children we tend to think of all of the things we haven’t gotten to yet, what has to get done still? This is hard to let go of, but so worth the effort. When you feel yourself starting to stress about all of those things hanging over your head just stop and take ten deep breaths. Breathing is severely underrated in America and it is probably one of the healthiest things you can do, not to mention that it keeps you alive. While you are consciously breathing take a minute to think about all of the things you HAVE done. Take it to the bridge, don’t just think of today, think of the week, the month, the year even. You will be surprised at all that you accomplish on a daily basis and then you can give yourself a break and say, “you know what? I am going to sit down and really enjoy this cup of coffee right now”, or “It’s ok for me to relax and watch a movie, or go get a massage, or take a nap or __________.” ( fill in whatever it is that you feel guilty about taking the time to do for yourself here) Life isn’t about doing, it’s about being. So, just say thank you to yourself for doing what you HAVE done. I’m not saying sit on your ass all day and don’t do what you have to do, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Have patience with yourself. Everything doesn’t have to happen yesterday. Breathe and enjoy what you are getting done.
Let go of perfection: We love to compare ourselves to other parents and what we think that they are “doing” but that’s just another way to toxify our own thoughts about ourselves. We have no idea what anyone else is living. I’ve worked with so many models and celebrities who most of us think “have it all.” We look at their bodies and their wallets and where they get to travel to and we think that they are perfect and have no problems. But I’ve gotten to know a lot of these men and women and it has taught me not to compare myself or strive for perfection because no one is perfect. Everyone has their own set of toxic thoughts, or guilt, or family dramas, or dry skin and pimples. “Everybody poops.”
Kiss Your Shoulders, Kiss your Knees: When I was a kid I used to love to kiss my own shoulders, and kiss my own knees. There was something about it that felt like foreign skin on my lips. This past year I rediscovered this jam and I am so into it. Try it right now. Pull down your shirt and kiss your own naked shoulder. Feel your own skin on your lips. It almost feels like someone else’s soft gentle skin. Every time I do it I think, “How could my own skin feel so soft and alive and vibrant to my own lips?” This is my way of reminding you to love yourself. No matter where your body is at, no matter how many extra pounds you have, or how many pimples, or in-grown hairs, or scars, or whatever it is that drives you to be self-deprecating, and just let it go. Just take your own body in your arms and realize that it is magic. This body is yours, it is the one you chose, the one you were given, the one you have raised and looked out of, and felt with and seen with, and learned from for this whole lifetime. It is time to get back in it and hug it and kiss it and fall in love with it all over again.
Stella Metzner has worked as a fashion stylist for almost 20 years. In 2008 she developed health issues which inspired her to learn several healing modalities. She became certified in Reiki level 1 and 2 and has practiced it now for 5 years. She is also a certified Eating Psychology Coach after graduating school for Dynamic Eating Psychology and mind Body Nutrition and Coaching from the Institute for the Psychology of Eating http://psychologyofeating.com/
