Coping with a parent who is going to a nursing home is one thing, but helping kids understand is a whole other matter. It is important to expose children to their elders, for the love, for the ties to their heritage and for the full understanding of the stages of life. With this in mind, it is important to help children understand the next transition of life when their grandparents need to move to a facility like a nursing home or assisted living facility to help them with their day to day life.
It is hard enough for the adults to no longer pop in for a visit at their parents’ home, which is why it is very important to let children know, without scaring them, that their grandparent(s) is moving to a better home for them. How this information is conveyed should help them see the reality that we all eventually face when we can no longer fully care for ourselves as we once could. Is important to focus on the positive aspects of an elder person’s life there.
How To Approach The Subject of a Nursing Home
Always focus on the positives. Instead of saying that Grandpa is too old to live in his house, say that he is moving to a place where he can relax while others do all the boring chores for him. Kids just want to know that their grandparent will be kept safe.
When it comes to telling them about grandpa’s new home, talk to them about what to expect when they visit.
Let them know that there might be strange smells in there, wheelchairs around, and that it might look a little bit like a hospital. When this is mentioned, it should not be said to alarm them but to prepare them in advance and not be shocked when they get there. Answer any questions frankly, although details can be kept vague. Talk about the feelings that some elders have about nursing homes. Make a point to mention all of the positives about why their grandparent is in the home and when you visit the facility.
Discussing Very Specific Reasons Why A Nursing Home Is Necessary
As more people in your family age, you may eventually have to explain how Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia work against the afflicted person’s memory. Instead of framing the disease as something scary that needs to be contained within a hospital environment, explain to the kids why the elder care facility takes such good care of their relative. Use this opportunity to give them an appreciation for their elder relative’s entire life. Show them photo albums that show this person at different times in their life. Kids never get to see their grandparents as anything but grandparents; expose them to another perspective.
Getting Kids Acquainted With Visits
The Illinois Council on Long Term Care‘s number one tip for parents taking kids to see grandma or grandpa in a care facility is not to make the visits a one-time experience. It is beneficial for both the children and grandparents to have continued visits and help them to connect in a meaningful way in this new environment.
Nursing homes and elder care experts have a lot of advice and creative work-around ideas for families who want to make their first visit with the kids to a care facility, or if they want to make visits a regular event. Some of the best ideas about these visits include:
Talking openly and positively: Tell them not only where you’re going but why it is important to visit this elderly family member. Describe why they are now living in a nursing home and what life in that home is like.
Go over behavior expectations: Kids should have a good understanding of the nature of the nursing home before you go. Use positive statements to explain why quiet voices and calmness are important. Above all, they should know why they must stay in sight at all times.
Help kids prepare for interacting: Some elderly residents in nursing homes are irritable around young children. Explain to your children why this may be and how not to take it personally—make light of it in any way you can. Help them stand in the shoes of the elderly relative and illustrate why a little grumpiness is often a reflection of their pain and loss throughout life.
Take activities with you: This is especially important for active kids but probably for any younger person for when things take a turn for the more “boring”, which it inevitably will. Ask kids to gather books to read, sketchbooks for coloring, electronic games, word game books, etc. Anything that means they can entertain themselves quietly is perfect.
Shorten the typical visit: Make more frequent short visits than occasional long ones. Kids will get used to longer visits eventually, if that is your goal.
A New Normal
With all things it takes some getting used to. The initial part of talking to your children openly and allowing them to express their feelings as well about the changes, should help make this transition a good new normal for all parties concerned.
Bio:
Laurence Banville is the managing partner of Banville Law with a reputation for thorough preparation and a balanced approach to his clients. He is a down-to earth bright young attorney who has been honored with the Top 40 under 40 award. This recognition is given to the top 40 ranked attorneys across the United States who are under 40 years of age. He represents plaintiffs and in particular of nursing home abuse, for more information, visit NursingHomeLegalNY.com.