Sometimes we just want to crawl under a rock and not watch anything even resembling news for the rest of our lives. How DO we parent when world events make us fear for humanity, and even our own safety, on a daily basis? Sarah Kurliand shares some thoughts and practical tips on raising empowered children even when we don’t feel particularly empowered ourselves.
There is no doubt that we live in a scary world. In the past week alone there was tragedy after tragedy and it often leaves us feeling helpless and fearful. Once we bring children into this world, it can become even scarier because we understand that one day in the future, we will have to send our little babies out there to fend for themselves amongst the rapists, the murderers and the natural disasters.
We recognize this feeling of fear all too well and sometimes it can make us want to shelter our children from all the bad. For me, it wasn’t a feeling that I wanted to allow to rule my family’s actions. What was I planning on doing, never leaving the house? No way. We are a family of adventurers and living in constant fear of the “what if’s” is not fully living.
Recognizing that I cannot control these horrendous, outside forces, I arm myself and my family with sound and current data and action items that are completely within our control.
But first, turn off the TV and social media. This is not reality. You are hearing the worst and the rarest stories through these channels. And if you allowed yourself, you’d be hearing it all day, every day. We are inundated with media coverage of terrible events 24/7 and this is unhealthy for adults and children alike. If it’s not on TV, its on your Facebook and Twitter newsfeeds. I am not saying to not be aware, but you don’t need it constantly in your ear. This just breeds more fear and is, quite frankly, an unrealistic portrayal of real life.
Truth: Education is the Key to Dismantling Fear
Child Abductions & Sexual Predators
One major fear that parents have is that a stranger will abduct their children. However, in 2015, The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) assisted law enforcement with more than 13,700 cases of missing children. Of these cases, 10 percent were family abductions and 1 percent were non-family abductions. Even more so, “90% of child sexual offence victims know their offender, with almost half of the offenders being a family member.” (Source: MegansLaw.ca.gov/facts.htm)
Now you may want to never trust anyone alone with your child and I completely understand that. But they will most likely go to school, camp or to friend’s houses to play without you at some point; it’s inevitable. So, it’s important to teach them from a very young age to be prepared. Here are some matter-of-fact ways you can do that without scaring them:
- Teach them the correct names of their body parts. If you are uncomfortable, books help. Keep it simple and factual. This way, if they ever need to describe an event to you, it will be very clear. This also deters predators into targeting your child.
- Let them know that their body is their own. Never force hugs and touching (even with family) if they don’t want to. This teaches them that they are in control of their body and also begins teaching them to trust their gut instincts. If they don’t want to, they don’t have to. Forced affection is never good. We love the book, Your Body Belongs To You and have read if from age 2.5.
- No secrets. “We don’t have secrets in our family, just surprises,” is the phrase I always use. Your aim is that the word “secret” raises an alarm with them. No one should be asking your child to keep a secret.
In the rare situation of stranger danger, we utilize a family keyword. We pick a word like “ishkabibble” (something no one would say in any context) and tell them, “if someone tells you to come with them and they don’t say our family word, you never go. Run away instead and find the closest mommy.”
Getting Lost
I lost my 3 year old in DisneyWorld a few years ago. I turned left, he ran right and, just like that, he was one of thousands in a sea of children that all looked the same. I wasn’t on my phone or distracted, yet it happened.
First, I ran to the entrance of where we were to alert staff and they quickly marked and guarded all entrances and exits. 15 minutes later, I found him, playing in the sandbox and I’ve never cried so hard in my life. After that event, we never went another place without having a meeting spot. We go into a place and stop, look around and I let him choose our spot if we get separated. If he chooses it, he remembers it. And we have used this tactic successfully a few times.
Life Saving Techniques
Kids are quick and we cannot always have eyes on them. The best way to combat and feel confident in our children’s abilities is to teach them life saving techniques from early on.
Swimming for Survival, or ISR, can teach babies how to save themselves in water by flipping onto their backs and floating to safety at as little as 6 months old. These classes are all over the United States.
We have fire drills in our home and talk about what to do if you smell smoke. My hope is that if ever faced with a real emergency, my children will be able to handle themselves in a calm and calculated manner.
Street Safety
Living in the city, I am always worried about the close proximity of cars (often with texting drivers) to my children. Starting from about age 2, whether in the stroller, holding hands walking, or on our bikes, I always taught street safety, mostly by modeling and sportscasting out loud what I was doing (i.e., saying “Left, Right, Left” while I looked, before crossing). My personal favorite is the light game. I close my eyes on the street corner and say, “You have to tell me when we can go!” while I wait for the walk sign to light up. It’s a fun and easy way to make children more aware of their surroundings and active participants so they will remember.
These ideas are simple in theory, but we can sometimes let our own fears get in the way and say “no” more often than we should. Now, I don’t say no to a lot of things that many parents might. I have a very curious child and “No” and “Don’t touch that” just don’t work. He doesn’t forget things easily, so instead of him exploring it on his own and possibly injuring himself, I teach him the proper and safe way to cut with sharp knives, use a drill, climb to the top of trees, contact 911, etc.
This is not easy stuff by any means. but you can empower yourself and your family (even babies!) with some of these small tips. Let your logic beat out your emotions and use these scary world events as learning opportunities for your children to feel confident in themselves.
Sarah Kurliand is a Wife/Mama/Yogini/Writer who spends her days adventuring around the Philadelphia area with her crazy boys. She is the Co-Founder of The Nature School of Philadelphia and is passionate about living a healthy lifestyle, discovering new places & living a life that leaves the world better than the way she found it.