Do you ever feel like you’re slogging through your days, unsure of whether you’re enjoying your life or just getting through? Contributor, holistic health coach and author April Reigart shares her thoughts on perception, positivity, and some inspirational quotes that might just brighten your outlook.
We keep talking about perception in our house lately. As we all know, one person’s perception of an event can be completely different from another’s view of the exact same occurrences. Reality isn’t reality—reality is subjective. For example, my son seems to have a very happy life—it appears that way to us, his parents—but we struggle with his unhappiness all the time.
My son started kindergarten in the past year, and he insisted that he hated it daily. He tried a range of school-avoidance tactics—from crying to feigning illness, to claiming stomach aches—every morning. It was a big transition for him from his nature-based preschool, and there was the added stress that the school was French, and thus, conducted in French. Contrastingly, though, whenever his father or I would check in on him at school we would see him smiling, laughing, talking, joking with his friends—loving life. His teachers always told us that he was not shy and willingly participated in all activities, even in French! He loved the music classes, came home with drawings and science projects, stories of seeing stage performances and petting animals at a visiting petting zoo. For Mother’s Day, he happily and proudly recited a poem for me in French. BUT, in the mornings he would cry and tell us that it was a horrible place.
Granted, this particular example has a lot to do with children and their emotional development, and not knowing how to express their anxieties. However, there is no denying that what we perceived as an amazing experience felt difficult and treacherous to him.
What is this human inclination to highlight one dim point, while overlooking or dismissing all the shining bits? We all do it. But how can we learn to overcome the tendency to frame things negatively? It’s important, though, to discern between a chemical imbalance and a need for committing to choose a higher perspective.
This is difficult territory when it comes to a 5 year old. But, as adults, I think we could all gain something from taking a moment now and then to evaluate our life choices. We all, young and old, all experience anxieties and discomfort, so, what needs to change? What can we change? We can ask ourselves—is this something I need to abandon, or is this something about which I could change my perception?
If we are looking for the positive, the constructive, the silver lining—then more of those things will present themselves. Conversely, when you look for darkness, darkness shows up. This is not to say that darkness can’t show up, uninvited, when you’re busy pooping rainbows and unicorns. I’m no stranger to darkness. But, I love my life, and everything in it has somehow become a blessing to me. That is: I’ve allowed myself to learn and grow from every experience, whether it was rose-colored or not. We can ruminate, or we can grow. Not an easy thing to teach to a five-year-old, let alone to master for ourselves.
“Climb mountains—not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.”
“The most dangerous risk of all—the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet that you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.”
“Life is not a dress rehearsal.”
“Everyone is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”
What do you want to get out of your experiences? What sort of legacy are you trying to create? Do you go forth eagerly, or begrudgingly? Do you just put in the time and get through it? Are you happy living like that?
It isn’t always about escaping pain or discomfort, either—it’s about learning how to move through it without crumbling. I want my son to understand this. I don’t want him to feel he has to tolerate misery, but I do want him to learn that sometimes we have to move through things we may not fully love in the interest of outcome. I can’t say I love running a marathon or giving birth—just two examples of chosen mental and physical hardship—but the outcomes are tremendous, so I learn to frame those experiences positively. I perceive them as worthwhile life experience, regardless of pain and effort.
Eckhart Tolle says, “People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on. Don’t dwell on the negative—it’ll poison your positive.”
But, if I can’t convince you of the power of changing your perception, perhaps Oprah can: “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
So, you decide—are you having a good day or a bad day?
Make it a great day. Your life is a fabric stitched together from your days. Make it a great life.
April Dawn Reigart is an Integrative Nutrition Certified Holistic Health Coach with over 20 years of holistic and macrobiotic cooking experience. She has also published articles on topics such as Fair Trade and GMOs. April is passionate about changing the way we eat and empowering people to take charge of their health. Her cookbook, Dinner Rush: A Parent’s Guide to Better Nutrition, is available now on Amazon.