Do you ever wonder how to keep a great line of honest communication open with your children? It’s a necessity for parents, especially in order to protect and nurture them along their way. We consulted with an award-winning filmmaker whose work focuses on communication and families, Susannah Ludwig, for her advice.
It is October, which means we are settling into the school year. There is a daily rhythm- the one that comes with having school age children- that starts to emerge around this time. Some of the anticipation and excitement has worn off, so our children are likely not telling us every detail about their day any more. It can sometimes be hard to get them to share with us what happened during their time at school, and how they are feeling about it.
Here are some tips to get the conversation flowing again:
Ask Specific Questions
Don’t ask them “How was your day?” That question is too broad, open ended and abstract. Ask them instead about their specialty class, who they sat with at lunch, or something they discovered that was surprising. Ask them about a friend or what they are learning in a specific area. If you ask them about something specific, your children are more likely to give you details. Allow time for these details. It is in those details – the stories within their stories – that we really get to know our children.
Ask about a high point and a low point
We all have high and low points in our day. At the end of it, ask your kids about what brought them joy and what made them feel uncomfortable. If you start to do this on a daily basis, it becomes part of your routine, one that will allow the space your children need to talk about the things that are hard as well as the things that are fun. As parents, we want to know both, so it is important that our children feel that both ends of the spectrum are normal and worthy of discussion.
Tell them about your day
Teach your kids how to be good conversationalists by telling them about what happened during your day. They want to know, but might not know how to ask. Good conversation involves both parties talking and listening. Also, if you share, so will they. Be a good example of openness and it will encourage them to be open, too.
Listen, really listen
Be open, hear your children, and ask them follow-up questions. Don’t let work or other distractions take over. Take the time to be present with them, to be in the moment with them, and to let them feel valued by having your attention, your presence and your ear. This is truly the greatest gift we can give our children and the one that will allow for connection and closeness.
Brooklyn mom and Philadelphia native Susannah Ludwig is the founder and executive producer of Portraits that Move, a boutique company that creates professional documentary-quality videos for families, preserving memories and moments for all time. Susannah produced the feature documentary ON MEDITATION, which will be released via Netflix in December 2016. She produced KINGS POINT, which was nominated for an Academy Award and premiered on HBO in March 2013. She is also the co-founder/ executive producer of Snapdragon Films, a commercial production company. Throughout her career, Susannah has made it a mission to tell and share unique stories, culminating in the celebration of the lives and stories of children and families through Portraits that Move.