Parents that have just one child are often asked the same invasive question: When are you going to have another child? It’s a bit presumptuous for anyone to assume that parents with one child can’t wait to have another.
There are many factors that go into the decision to have one child, let alone having another one. For some families, one and done is the answer. They simply can’t take the taxing of their marital relations on the strains of adding another family member. Other times, it’s finances that make the idea of having another child null and void. And still others wanted another child too, but were incapable of having one for physical reasons that are probably too painful to discuss and every time someone poses that dreaded nosy question to them, it tears at the seams of their heart.
According to Lauren Sandler, author of One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One, regardless of the reasons behind parents’ decision to have only one child, it’s not bad for a child to be brought up without siblings. They still make plenty of friends, as many as children that grow up with siblings do. Only children do spend quite a bit of time around adults though, and that shapes them in vocabulary and habits as well. Play groups and activities with other children will help your only child develop social skills with kids the same age which enriches their experiences. They’ll be molded and more mature from spending time with grownups but know how to have fun.
There’s also a perception that only children are more spoiled. While they do have the benefit of having their parents’ undivided attention, when you parent any child, whether you have one of them or even five of them, the goal is to not give into their every whim. It’s proper parenting that keeps any child from being overindulged. The reality is that only children are no more spoiled than children with siblings. BUT, they may have better resources because they do not need to be split between multiple children. You may be able to send one child to piano lessons or private school but not two. And we all know that three or more children in Brooklyn is often a sign of wealth more powerful than any designer bag or luxury car.
Fantastic One Child Family
If you have one child and want to keep it that way, then ignore those inappropriate questions from others and remember that even people with two kids are asked when they’re going to have more. Mothers of daughters are often asked if they’re going to try for a boy. Ultimately, your family is your own business. If you prefer it be a family unit of three, tell them it isn’t fine, it’s fantastic.
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- from the A Child Grows writers pool