This article was originally from 2016, but it seems really relevant right now!
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Yes, it’s the holiday season and, yes, that means things seem to be crazier than ever, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t steal some time for ourselves, which, most of us agree would make for a healthier happier life. Writer and Brooklyn mom Sarah Moriarty shares her thoughts on the elusive “me time”.
I need more sleep. I compulsively stay up late because, apparently, I’m broken. In my desperation for downtime I trade sleep for . . . what?, The Good Wife and dark chocolate? But somehow going to bed directly after working or eating dinner or coming out of the kid’s room for the third time that night, just doesn’t cut it. This is a “Gift of the Magi” scenario. Peter and Paul are laughing at me, ‘cause this is all going to break down. How long can someone last on six non-consecutive hours of sleep? (the six hours are my fault, the non-consecutive is the kid’s fault, nightmares). So why do I do this? Because if I don’t carve out some small psychic space for myself (and no, going to the gym doesn’t count, don’t make me slap you through the computer), I will go insane, like Chief-Inspector-eye-twitch-crazy.
As parents, I think it is really easy for us to discount our need not just for time to ourselves—adult time, dinner out, the aforementioned workouts, a hardy session of email correspondence—but also, and more importantly, our need for downtime. That’s right, we need actual downtime, staring at the tv, going to a movie by yourself (‘cause talking to people is exhausting), strolling the streets of Brooklyn in the evening looking at all the Christmas trees in the windows, reading an M-F-ing book (decadence!), listening to Miles Davis on noise cancelling headphones while putting together a puzzle designed for a preschooler. Or maybe you are motivated and amazing and getting consecutive hours of sleep, (damn you), and your downtime is spent in the nose bleeds at Lincoln Center or drooling over the renaissance collection at the Met, or spending hours at the Banya because nothing is more relaxing than lying utterly motionless and still sweating balls. So why is it so hard for us to honor this need in our lives? Is it because we’re parents so the space for it barely exists? Is it because we’re ambitious New Yorkers driven to be productive in every moment? Is it our overly-connected, puritan-founded American culture, “work every moment of every day and love it, or God will punish you?” (Another thing to thank the pilgrims for.) Whatever it is we need to rise above, shake off the puritan programing and embrace the downtime.
So here is my idea, I’m not advocating glossy magazine “me time” where you build your own Christmas wreath out of crap you find in the park. Your downtime has to be filled with things that can’t be checked off your list. No addressing holiday cards, no online shopping, no phone calls that need to be made, I don’t care if your mom is on that list (love you mom!). Here is the thing, downtime has to be the following: joyful, psychically relaxing and spiritually fulfilling, and most importantly, devoted entirely to yourself. And, yes, my spirit might really need to know how Mrs. Florrick is going to forgive her husband (I’m only on season one!). And, you’re right, I do need to go to bed earlier too. Zzzzzzzzz…
Sarah Moriarty is a writer, editor and adjunct professor. Sarah’s writing has appeared in such hallowed places as her blog, her mother’s email inbox, the backs of Value Pack envelopes and a waist-high stack of mole skin journals. In addition, Sarah has contributed to F’Dinparkslope.com, WhattoExpect.com and edited fiction for Lost Magazine. A resident of Brooklyn for the last thirteen years, Sarah lives with her husband, daughter and a dwindling population of cats. Check out more of Sarah’s work at sarahmoriarty.com.