Every week (or so) Alice Kaltman, LCSW, founder of Family Matters NY shares a quick tidbit related to parenting and family life. We know you’re pressed for time, so here is a nugget of simple, and hopefully helpful advice (or reassurance!).
Oh my. The state of the world this holiday season. Let’s face it, things are pretty dire out there. Globes being warmed. Unarmed young men shot and strangled. Dictators being freed. People, who could easily be helped if not saved, dying of diseases. Sort of hard to be jolly, eh?
The amped up consumerism of this season doesn’t help: Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday. TV, radio, internet ads, directly or subliminally urging you to buy, buy, buy. What if you feel poor, poor, poor?
It’s extra tough when kids are super psyched about all the swag. Which of course they are because, duh, they’re kids! As the self-designated Queen of Curmudgeons, I set myself a task: To offer some positive parenting tips for the coming holidays using corny song lyrics as prompts. Yeah, I was that desperate. Take them with a grain of salt. Or a glass of eggnog.
TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY: Stay pleasant, especially around your kids. It is a free gift you can give. There are other times of year when honesty is the best policy. But with little kids during the holidays, it’s best to pretend you’ve got a bit of ho-ho-ho. Keep a check on the naysaying attitude. Save your Santa Snark for after bedtime.
ALL IS CALM ALL IS BRIGHT: Make sure to schedule down time for yourself. Consider taking up yoga or meditation. Don’t do the ‘after the new year’ thing. Now is the best time to start. Take a class, or download meditation/relaxation apps for your mobile device. Plug in serenely when stress builds. Breath deeply, like a beatific Christmas angel.
DECK THE HALLS: Even if you’re not a big fan of christmas decor, use the holidays as a time to jazz up your home. Be creative, think outside the red and green box. Kids can have fun with this, and it doesn’t have to cost you anything. Go through old photos, toys, junk drawers and string a bunch of family memorabilia up. Make wacky christmas ornaments, posters, your own brand of mistletoe.
SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE: Get lots of rest. Don’t burn the candle at both ends. A stressed out, martyred parent is no fun to be around.
HEEDLESS OF THE WIND AND WEATHER: It’s easy to get house bound this time of year. It’s equally easy to go stir crazy. Make a point of getting out and doing things, in spite of dismal weather. Try things you normally don’t do: museums, different neighborhoods, free concerts or shows. Volunteer/donate your time. Start planning these outings now, and put them on the calendar, otherwise you’ll spend too much time in your pajamas, watching too many Netflix movies, eating too many Christmas cookies and feeling like a slug family.
LET YOUR HEART BE LIGHT. FROM NOW ON OUR TROUBLES WILL BE OUT OF SIGHT: Well, maybe not out of sight, but maybe shelf those troubles for a wee while. This is probably not the time of year to make any big decisions about your family, or personal life unless there’s a real deadline.
ROCK THE NIGHT AWAY: Be playful, with your spouse, yourself, your kids. Let everyone run a bit amok. Clean up the day after. Or the day after that.
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY: Actually? Go ahead, cry. Often tears are a good release. So, be prepared for tears, and meltdowns. Yours and your kids’. This is a stressful time for everyone, even if they don’t know it. Tears are mandatory.
MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT: Give yourself a vacation from self scrutiny and self doubt. Take a break from you criticism and doubts about your family. Just don’t be surprised when negative thoughts return to their normal state after the holidays are over. Be mindful: If the negative thinking is severe, maybe it’s time for a little therapy.
TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY: If you’ve got kids, there’s a lot of pressure to spend beyond your means, or feel guilty for not being able to provide them with ridiculously over-priced toys and electronics. Try to remember: physical gifts are beside the point. Dickens’s Christmas Carol message is true. Tiny Tim had it right. Be as generous as you can with your time, patience, hugs and kisses.True connection is always remembered. Love goes deep and stays there, way beyond the holiday season.
Alice Kaltman, L.C.S.W. has been working with parents and kids since 1988. In 2006, she co-founded Family Matters NY, a parenting coaching service for Brooklyn and Manhattan families, providing support through workshops, referrals, and private sessions. Alice lives in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn with her daughter and husband. Aside from her articles for ACGIB, Alice’s thoughts on parenting can be found at Babble.com and on the Family Matters NY website. She also writes novels for kids and short stories for adults. You can follow her on Twitter @AliceKaltman or write to her at info@familymattersny.com