Photo by Rebecca Grant on Unsplash
Honestly, I have never been a very good (half) Dane. I came closest when I was three and I understood my mother’s spoken Danish enough to respond in English. Or when I held hands and sang and walked around the candlelit Christmas tree during the holidays there years ago. But to the disappointment of my Danish family, I have always struggled to learn more than a few words of the language and I’ve never lived for more than a few months in the beautiful, cozy and often overlooked Scandinavian country. At least it was often overlooked – until a few years ago.
Denmark comes up a lot more in conversations and the news these days. Whether it’s because of our president’s ridiculous offer to buy Greenland from them or due to the popular “New Nordic” cuisine or the expansive socialist government services or the fact that they are consistently ranked as one of the “happiest countries” in the world…or for the Danish concept of Hygge (roughly translated as coziness) that became incredibly trendy during the last decade. I was shocked when I started seeing multiple books published about hygge (like this popular one) and so many articles (like this one in the New Yorker)…suddenly, this essential Danish way of life was everywhere.
The popularity of Hygge can partly be explained by the rise of Instagram culture and our obsession with the aesthetics of experience. Of course, anyone who thinks that hygge means putting on wool socks and taking a picture of your feet in front of a fireplace is sorely mistaken. It’s not about appearances, or capturing experience to share with others, though of course the aesthetics can play a role. Some might argue that hygge is primarily about people and our connections with others. I also like to define it as the feeling of contentment and well-being that comes from taking pleasure in little things. Maybe it is just the definition that works best for me, since as I get older – and since becoming a mom – I enjoy the so-called “little things” more and more, whether it’s a walk through a park on a cold day or reading and knitting at home or playing with my son. Maybe it’s partly a reaction to the darkness that has permeated our society in the last decade and the need to balance it out with simple, pure joy. Or maybe I am more Danish than I thought.
Hygge is about the moments, whether it’s connections we make with other people or appreciation for the little things in life, and the feeling of peace and fulfillment we can get from them. Not what an experience looks like on the outside, but how an experience makes us feel inside.
As a parent, I have found hygge in cuddles with my son and when I see the world through his eyes, full of wonder at all the little things we grown-ups often take for granted. Or when we have a dance party in the kitchen or sit together reading a book that makes my son laugh hysterically. Ultimately, for me, hygge is about developing an appreciation for the world we live in together and seeing the beauty in these small everyday moments. This way of seeing has also allowed me to seek out hyggelig moments of self-care that help me survive the challenges of parenthood and adulthood in this difficult time. The world may be burning around us, and we should by all means fight to save it, but for our own sanity we should also cherish the moments of peace that we find between the struggles. And in each other.
With that in mind, I decided to embrace hygge even more in the new year, and I would like to share a few of my favorite ways to find it these days. Of course it may be different for you, but if you are also looking to fill your cold winter days with a little more hygge, you might find some inspiration here.
Hygge in Nature
Yes, we live in a city, but we still have nature! And believe it or not, it can be very hyggelig to bundle up and take a winter walk in one of the many green spaces around us. (Check out my recent post A Winter Walk in Brooklyn Botanic Garden.) While I love walking and being surrounded by nature at any time of year, you could also go ice skating or sledding in Prospect Park – and then drink hot beverages with your family to warm up. Sometimes it is just about being outside in the fresh air on a cold, sunny day. In my daily routines, I can find hygge in the long walk to pick up my son at school. For even more hygge, I could invite a friend or family member to keep me company while taking a restorative winter’s walk with a cup of coffee or tea in hand. Or maybe it’s about getting out of the city for the day or weekend (if you can) and finding hygge while taking a hike in the mountains or walking on an empty winter beach. (And then warming up inside, of course!)
Hygge at Home
Finding hygge at home is all about creating an atmosphere that is cozy and comfortable and brings you joy. Yes, there are many things you can buy that will supposedly make your home more hyggelig (according to websites like this), but you really don’t need much and what works for me may not work for you. It can often be created with a few candles (or low lighting), blankets, rugs, tea, music. For me, it includes activities like knitting and reading and cuddling with my dog. We also find hygge in wood furniture and lots of books. Another way to find hygge is to create a reading or thinking “corner” – I know it’s hard in our small city apartments, but if you can, squeeze a comfortable chair in a corner (preferably next to a window) and reserve space and time away from screens. (Credit to my sister-in-law for this idea!) Of course, hygge at home doesn’t have to be solitary…it can often be found spending quality time with friends and family in your hyggelig home.
Hygge in Others
While I do believe it can be found alone, it is perhaps most hyggelig to share these moments and find hygge in our connections with each other. Invite friends over for a glass of wine, meet them for coffee or a meal, take a walk together. I think of my Danish mother visiting last winter, when I was too sick to go out and do anything…we made the most of it by sitting together and talking and knitting together in my living room. (Thanks for bringing the hygge to me, mom!) For some it can be found in the family meal. In Denmark, it was found so many evenings (late into the night) spent around a large table talking and laughing with family and friends and plenty of wine, food, and candlelight. But it was also found in moments of silent togetherness – sitting at the same table while my mother painted and I read a book and my brother played the guitar. Just being in the same place, under certain circumstances, can be hyggelig.
Individual Hygge
There is no single equation or set of instructions you can follow to find hygge. For me, it’s mostly a way of seeing the world and acknowledging the beautiful moments already in my life. And, sometimes, creating more space for those moments of peace and calm and connection. If you are looking for ways to bring a little more hygge into your life, these are just my suggestions (not prescriptions) based on my own experience. I hope it gets you thinking about ways to find hygge and appreciate your own hyggelig life.
For the best places in Brooklyn to find Hygge, read part 2.
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Margel Nusbaumer is a local writer and mom in Brooklyn. Thoughts? Reach out to margel@achildgrows.com.