While trying to find a few movies to watch with my nearly 5 year old (we watch less than one movie a week so you think it would be easy), I’ve had a bit of a hard time finding something without too much violence or negative gender stereotypes. We watched Frozen recently and she loved it although she considers it the “scariest movie I have ever seen.” She didn’t even understand the violent scene at the end…”why does that prince try to hit Elsa with the sword?”
I know that my favorite from when I was a kid is a big no-go: Sleeping Beauty. Although it obviously didn’t stop me from being a feminist from the first moment I can remember. I grew up in Oklahoma on a steady diet of sexism and non-stop negative stereotypes and yet I’m not sure it made any difference at all. Some of my family think I changed when I moved to NY which only means they never actually heard a word I said. So, do I really need to be worried about media influencing my daughter? Maybe not, but I worry anyway. She loves princesses and that’s fine as long as she knows they are the boss and it isn’t about waiting on any prince.
In the movies we do see, and books as well, we always have a good conversation about what makes sense and what doesn’t. For instance, she did read the story of Sleeping Beauty and we discussed how it isn’t cool to kiss people who are asleep and you shouldn’t marry someone you don’t really know. Simple concepts, but important. In my preferred version of the story, the princess is rescued by a brave young soldier, a girl, and the girl gets to be the captain of the guard as a reward.
In trying to find good movies to watch, I looked at Disney classics and found there were really none that worked. Almost all of them have the parents die in the beginning–why is it necessary for the parents to be dead for there to be a good story? And why do all the princesses have to have that look, you know what I mean, or have to be looking for a mate when they are just kids.
A 2017 survey of parents of children age 2 to 17 showed some interesting, if somewhat backwards, opinions of the right age for kids to see sexual topics on TV or in movies. According to the report, parents said age 8 was appropriate for heterosexual relationships and age 11 for same-sex relationships (I don’t know why they are different other than homophobia) which seems a bit old to me being that every kid’s movie and every bit of real life features these relationships. I don’t mind the idea of romantic relationships as something that appears in media–I just want to be sure that it isn’t portrayed a primary source of self-worth. More concerning was the assertion that it the right age to show rape or sexual violence was younger (16) than the age to show sex with nudity (17). In my opinion the right age to show sexual violence is never (there are better ways to warn our kids that this exists than entertainment) and nudity is just what we look like without clothes. Common Sense Media reports that “Teens who are heavier media users are more likely to believe that woman are partially responsible for their own sexual assaults.”
So, what should I be looking for in a movie to watch with my very young child? Common Sense Media suggests these goals for early childhood (age 2-6):
- Show children with diverse attributes (more than gender)
- Show equal value to traditionally masculine and feminine characteristics
- Show counter stereotypical behaviors for gender
- Show egalitarian cross-gender friendships
- Show other types of diversity
- Look for camera filters, editing, and music that avoids separating female and male worlds
I will say that I have allowed the show PJ Masks on occasion, but it doesn’t actually meet this criteria. In fact, a couple of the shows (ones that we also had little paperback books for) are openly sexist. In one, the female hero makes life difficult and jeopardizes a mission because she wants an apology for some silly horseplay. It is clearly portrayed as being annoying. I can’t help but think this line of plot might be even more damaging to a little boy.
In fact, all of this might be. We work so hard to counter these gender stereotypes to our little girls, but I’m not sure we do enough of the same for the little boys.
I have to report that there are very few movies that fit the Common Sense criteria. I’m still looking for suggestions. Moana is a good one, but it is a bit scary. I thought Toy Story would be safe, but that little bo peep character was a problem. If you have any recommendations, please write shelly@achildgrows.com and let me know!
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